Note: If you don't remember, the last line of the previous chapter, from a derelict Charles like a capricious prince, was: 'I miss you, Maxie. Why didn't we revisit our vacation plans to see each other? Is there something wrong with us? I can't stop thinking we made a mistake. I mean, rationally I know it was the right thing to do, but I didn't want to and now... I don't know, I'm an idiot, that's it. ' I'm rewriting it because the dialogue picks up exactly from there. Enjoy. Kisses, Akane.

79. TRUE AND AUTHENTIC

/Charles/

“- Maxie, are you there? - I meow, now lying on my side like a lost soul.
Every damn muscle hurts because Andrea made me climb the glaciers this morning before dawn, but despite that, my mind is fixed on Max. Max and that’s it. I’m so stupid.
- Yes… - he says after a while in a strange tone I can’t decipher.
- Do you have anything to say? - I ask, increasingly depressed. Freely, tragically, openly depressed. I can’t take it anymore.
God, Max makes me be so much myself!
- Well… actually, I’m kind of glad you think that way… - he says. Now he’s attacking in his typical style, and he’s right. He’s right to twist his finger in the wound by telling me he knew it would be this way. It’s true.
- Why? - I ask still grumbling; my eyes closed, imagining him standing here in front of me, taunting me with his beautiful, slap-worthy face.
- Because I called you, remember? - now that I think about it, it’s true. He called me and I thought, 'There he is, we're even telepathically connected! I can't sleep because I think about him and how stupid I was not to try to see him and he calls me!' But then, of course, I started without listening to what he had to say, assuming it was nothing.
- Yes, that's true. So what? Did you have to tell me something? - actually he calls me at all hours, it's not strange that he did that. It's strange that his voice is clearly audible, but I only realize it now, as I frown at his idiotic little laugh.
It's the kind of laugh he gets when he's about to do one of his dirty tricks.
I immediately sit up as if I hadn't climbed mountains and wasn't in excruciating pain with every fucking movement, even in muscles I didn't know I had.
- I’m glad you think so, because you save me the trouble of convincing you that I'm right, and we'll skip the argument part and get straight to the fucking part.
As soon as he says that, I don't even give my brain time to process it or my body time to prepare; despite the terrible pangs of pain, I rush to the bedroom door and I open it.
Despite the enormous risks of being on the threshold of a mountain hotel room, so without the certainty of not being seen, as soon as I have him in front of me with his damned slap face and the phone still on his ear, I jump on him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I don't know how much strength he must have to hold me up without falling, but he manages it. Congratulations!
- You idiot, why did you come? You shouldn't have! It's risky without proper planning! What if someone sees you? And then you could have told me, I was dying! What if I reached you while you were coming to me?
My mouth against his ear screams a billion logical considerations, which I think are prompted by the rational part of my brain; yet he laughs as he wraps his arms around my waist and, lifting me despite the many layers of clothes and jackets separating us, he pulls me up and carries me into the bedroom, taking care to close the door behind him with a crude kick. He laughs.
He laughs in my ear while I, in his, spew out all the reasons why he shouldn't have, despite just now I was whining like an idiot because I wanted to see him.
I squeeze him and think I'm suffocating him, but he reciprocates without hesitation or complaint.
- You know why. I did whatever the fuck I wanted. You don't order me around. You have your ideas, but I have mine! I was dying to see you and wanted to surprise you, so I coordinated with Joris.
As he says this, I relegate my rationality to where it was before, that is in a little part of me. I cup his face in my hands and look at him carefully in the dim light created by the only light on the bed, which is on because I was trying to sleep.
He smiles. I remove his cap, revealing his messy blond hair, and pull down the scarf that was still covering part of his face. I imagine this is to avoid the risk of being recognized when he was talking to me in front of my room.
Blessed be winter, it's so easy to hide and disguise yourself!
Max's hands slide to his favorite spot, my ass, still wrapped in the pajamas I intended to keep until tomorrow morning; when he takes me, I feel serene again, as if everything was finally right.
Happiness quickly creeps through me, a state of mind that reminds me of Abu Dhabi. A state of mind I never want to give up again in my life.
- You’re crazy. - I reply, still incredulous that he's really here and isn't dreaming. I can't imagine how risky this is and how we need to organize ourselves now to avoid a scandal, especially since I'm here with Charlotte.
- Probably, yes, but I agree with what you were saying before. I don't intend to live our relationship solely within the confines of circuits. I was ready for a serious fight, but I'm glad I can skip that part. I didn't imagine you were going as crazy as me.
I want to answer him, but my mouth ends up on his, searching for his tongue which he gives me right away. He's not even frozen, so the whole time we were talking on the phone, he was there and I didn't even hear him.
The sensation of our mouths melding and his tongue playing with mine, warms and relaxes me at the same time. While we kiss, I open his heavy jacket which takes away consistency from our embrace.
I'd like to know so many things, like what he did with the others he was on vacation with and how much he was in cahoots with that asshole Jo, but I just want to feel him and his body on mine, I want to free ourselves from all these thick, uncomfortable layers and feel him here on me.
The excitement rises in an instant and washes away all the conversations we should have had and perhaps will have later.
I didn't think seeing him again after this forced torture would be so wonderful, I didn't think I'd missed him so much. Only when I slip my arms under his jacket and hold him, pressing myself against him, do I realize. I'd missed him to the point of making unreasonable conversations. I was about to go see him myself.
Luckily, he's so different from me, lucky that no one can tame this asshole in my arms, not even me.
I crawl with my hands until I remove his garment and his scarf as he slides his under my red pajama, which is both extremely Christmassy and extremely Ferrari. The feel of his hands on my skin makes me shudder, and I go straight for his pants, which are also padded and warm; I unzip and hastily pull them down, completely ignoring the rest of his clothing.
Stay dressed, just give me what I need to feel relief, a relief I can only find in one way. It may be vulgar and brutal, but I swear, I can't take it anymore.
I push Max turning him against the closet, and bend him forward even less gently; with ever less gentleness, I pull down my pajama pants, which fall lightly to my ankles, and after licking the hand I'm using to rub my cock, I slide the finger of my other hand into my mouth and then work my way inside him, into his hole which I find in an instant. It's as if he's just waiting for my finger and can't wait to have it there.
I suck my lips with a mischievous smile that forms during the quick, minimal preparation: if I don't make him mine right away, I'll go crazy with no way back. As soon as I saw and hugged him, my testosterone went through the roof, and there's no other way to calm the burning excitement that's flooding me than this.
Whether we're ready or not doesn't matter to me; my arrogance and I take over and grabbing his hip, I thrust into him immediately. Max pushes his butt back toward me and bends over, arching himself to give me all the access I want.
Access that I take without hesitation.
With a firm thrust, I'm fully inside him. Once there I pause for a moment, letting him adjust. The grip of his buttocks on my hard, tense cock makes me die for a moment, die of pleasure. But then Max calms down and begins to relax, so I take him by the hips and begin to move in and out with intensity and a rhythm that slowly increases.
Madness takes hold of me, just seeing and touching him was enough to make me feel so instinctive, primal and out of control. The effect Max has on me is something no one else has, and no one ever will. With him, I'm truly, disgustingly myself. A self I didn't even know.
Totally lost in him, I go faster letting my moans fill the room as I thrust and make him mine. I just hope there's no one in the next rooms; it's not nighttime, they'll all be out skiing, I hope. Please, let it be this way, because I can't stop screaming with pleasure. I can't control or manage myself. I want to, but my voice does whatever the fuck he wants, just like my body increases the force and speed with which I take him.
Max moves towards me and his voice joins mine, husky and sensual, giving me the final blow.
I'm completely crazy, but in this madness, inside him, while I make him mine, prey to the most intense and total pleasure I've ever felt, I'm fucking fine and this is the only place I'd rather be. Here with him.
- Maxie, I've missed you so much. - I murmur as I come inside him with liberation, with violent jolts that stretch me to the point of spasm. I'm completely lost and sucked in by this powerful, wonderful heat that only with him feels so intense.
I honestly don't know if we'll be able to manage and control this thing between us, or where it will take us, but as I abandon myself, as I let myself go completely to the point of disconnecting with every part of me, I know very well that I have everything I want right now.
Him in my arms.
After he comes too helped by my hand, I lean against him as he does against the closet in front of him; all his clothes on, just a little apart, and my hands feverishly searching for his warm skin.
- I missed you too, Charlie. I couldn't take it anymore.
His hoarse voice panting as he turns his head trying to reach my face; I don't resist and immediately come towards him sealing this orgasm, perhaps a little quick and full of need and passion. The kiss brings us peace and calm, almost as if it were magic.
It's slow and it's as if we're reconnecting with ourselves, as if our souls are returning to our bodies and our consciousnesses are reactivated. We remain still, him in front of me, half-bent forward, his pants at his thighs and mine at my feet; his cum probably slipping down from the closet where it splashed, and mine still inside him, warm. How warm our tongues are, caressing each other without haste.
I hold him, my hands under his sweater, on his belly, a bit soft like someone who must have put his workouts on hold, but still fit enough.
My need for him now is different than before, less carnal and crazy. It's like a warm blanket that covers us and lets us bask in front of a fire, while outside there's a freezing storm.
The knowledge that just being here, under the blanket, in front of the fire is enough to feel good, that here is everything we need.
What I feel now, as I come to myself, hugging and kissing him, is this. With the sensation of orgasm circulating in every particle of me, my senses reorder themselves after having mixed and amplified, and everything returns to peace.
As I said before, I have everything I need in my arms, and even though in a rational corner of my mind I know there are many things to sort out and review, I know we'll get through this, that we'll get everything in order and in place.
Because now we're finally in the same car, to race. We're not racing against each other in different cars, trying to win and prevail and outdo each other. Now we're racing in the same car and we're no longer competing, we can enjoy the scenery.
We're doing the same thing and we want the same thing.
To be together.
Then we'll work out the details and the destination in due time, but right now we just want to continue on the same track, in the same car, together.
With me sitting behind the wheel and him here, beside me.
Maybe in a little while I'll let him drive.
At this thought I smile, and feeling me he pulls away and twists to look at me; I continue to hold him from behind. Surprised, he asks me what's wrong, and I shake my head with an amused smile. I don't know how to explain this to him properly, so I avoid it.
- Come on! - he exclaims peremptorily, wanting to know. I sigh impatiently.
- Oh, c’mon, do I really have to tell you everything I'm thinking about? That's not my idea of a relationship! You know I'm someone who thinks a lot and only shares when I'm sure!
I didn't want to detach myself from him in saying it, nor, above all, say it with too much annoyance, but once I separate, he straightens up lifting up his boxers and trousers while I pull up my pajamas.
- Of course I know, except you're sure of things after ages, and what am I supposed to do, guess? But do you know I've never gotten any of your fucking riddles right?
Max is getting seriously annoyed; I recognize his tone and nuance now, and since we're talking bullshit, I tell him as I crawl across the bed and head for the nightstand where my cell phone is.
- Oh, how long you make it! I just thought maybe I'll make you do the top soon!
At this revelation, which I pretend isn't a big deal even though I know it's actually an affront to him, Max remains curiously silent. No lines of insults in Dutch or shoes flying, so I retrieve the phone I'd earlier thrown in the middle of the bed and turn to him, looking warily, ready for an argument. To my
surprise, I see him propped up on one foot with his arms crossed over his chest, his expression a mixture of shock and expectation.
- Well? - I ask.
- You really think you're the one who decides who screws who among us?
I'm having a hell of a time not to burst out laughing, because I knew exactly what he was going to say, and it's so adorably predictable I hope he never changes.
I sit up straight, crossing my legs, feigning indifference while I look for Jo's chat to give him the middle finger; while I do so, I reply uninterested in his insinuation.
- Sure, who else?
Max doesn't respond verbally; Max acts like Max and literally dives from where he is tackling me, flipping me over and biting my butt.
As he bites my ass, crushing me facedown, I howl into the duvet to prevent all the hotel staff and my friends from swooping in.
Charlotte has a key since she sleeps with me, and even though I told her to let me sleep for the rest of the day, if she hears me scream, she might decide to see why I'm dying. I know I wasn't quiet before, but I was moaning and it was obvious what I was doing. Now I'm really hurting.
The bastard bites me as I try to wriggle free, and the little fight ends when I manage to kick him, sending him flying off the bed with a loud thud, I think coming from his ass or his head, which in his case are also the same thing.
Adrenaline rushes through me, along with a strange feeling of joy that overwhelms me. Joy and excitement, but not the same as before, from seeing and fucking him. It's different now.
I'm laughing and only now do I remember what I'd thought before—with his legs remaining on the bed while the rest of his body is sprawled on the floor. And I correct myself.
Max doesn't bring out the best in me, but rather the truest, most authentic and free part. Now it's a dazzling certainty.
I'm truly myself, every inch of me, only with him.
Some people who have known me for a long time know a lot about me and see certain aspects, but not everything, not what's most hidden, not the parts of me I've always considered defects to obscure. But this is the real Charles, the one full of flaws and bizarre things and unconventional aspects, the ones Max brings out so easily.
And damn, what really shocks me is how beautiful it is to be myself.
I always thought I had to be the best version of me and that this version reflected my father's teachings, and realizing I was different, I felt guilty, I felt bad; but the truth is there's nothing wrong with me, and being myself to the core, every inch of me, every damned aspect, positive or negative... well, it's fucking beautiful.
And even if I can be so exclusively with this upside-down idiot who left me with his dental mold—which I don't know how to explain to Charlotte—it doesn't matter. Even if there's only one person in the world I can be completely true to, it'll be fine because he's the first person who makes me feel good about being myself, and he's the first person who doesn't make me want to be different, who doesn't force me to change.
Maybe I'll change naturally, but it won't be an act of conscious will, it'll be because it's spontaneous.
Just like this being together.
With this thought in mind, I throw myself on top of him as if he were a mattress placed next to the bed, and, gliding against him while he howls in pain, I hold him close and bury my face in his neck. Then, like a schizophrenic, I say it without restraint or shame.
- Only with you I'm myself, and I'm happy to be so. And it's beautiful. Thank you for forcing yourself into my life overbearingly! Thank you for holding on and not giving up. 
Max—shocked and stunned to say the least, probably quite a bit in the afterlife between the blow to his skull and his ass, to which now added the one inflicted by my body throwing on him—hugs me.
- Well, technically you forced yourself inside me, twice. Three if we count the one we don't remember, but I doubt the positions were different. Besides, listen to who's talking about overbearing! But yeah, come on, you’re welcome!
He says it ironically and while it seems he insults me with fantasy, he caresses my hair holding me close; this makes me first smile tenderly, then laugh, and then feign offense which ends with me lifting myself up to frown at him and respond in kind.
- Hey, I said I'll let you to be the top someday, right? 
- Oh, what a kindness!
- And then I said something so beautiful and romantic, you could have responded with something equally beautiful and romantic! You don't always have to laugh it off, you know?
While I'm grumbling, feigning solemn offense, I get up from him and climb onto the bed, moving backwards like a crab; I'm barely even on top when he grabs my ankles and pulls me, making me fall on his stomach again, this time sitting astride—thus giving himself yet another blow he clearly regrets.
After an "Ouch!" accompanied by a phrase in Dutch, he lowers his legs, which were still on the bed, and sits straight, handling me on top of him as if I were his cat. After considerable effort, he manages to get on the floor with me quite normal and he takes my face in his hands, sighing tiredly.
He must be truly in pain because of me; I feel a little guilty and express it by staying silent.
When after a while he manages to speak, he does looking me in the eye closely, in a position that finally seems like a couple in loving embrace and not two idiots that jokes. We finally seem normal, even though we did everything but normal to get there.
- I'm not good at these things, but you’re the first thing I personally wanted with all my heart, without following the will and constraints of others around me.
His father and F1, I suppose. I won't ruin everything by mentioning him; I know that's what he's referring to. And I won't ruin everything by saying I'm a person and not a thing.
- And I'm so happy I fought to get to you. Now that I've got you, I'll never let you go.
It's so sweet what he says, knowing a little about him. But I want to know more, much more. I want to know everything.
I won't ruin everything by telling it because I know you'd run away from this room, this hotel and this mountain. I'll keep it to myself, but I will. I'll do it without telling you.
I'll discover everything about you. Every little secret detail, because I really want to see you, Max. Because I'm sure you deserve to be seen and appreciated just as you are, just as you appreciate me, with every flaw and quirk and unconventional thing that makes me up.
I slide my arms around his neck as he lets go of my face and moves down to my waist, embracing me. We hold each other burying our faces in our necks; we melt together without saying anything else, knowing that what we've just exchanged are profound and beautiful declarations and the true beginning of something important. Something that won't just be the whim of a couple that fucks and that’s it.
And it's true. Maybe we weren't ready for each other before, and if we got together before now, we would have ruined everything. We wouldn't have lasted, it would have been just a one-night stand. But what a shame it would have been to miss all of this and everything that's yet to come?
I want to see you, Max. I want to see every little part of you, just as you've seen me for so long.”

NOTE: Up until now, we've focused more on Charles, only occasionally on Max, but now the flow is reversed and will focus more on Max's growth, along with the related personal issues he'll face and overcome. They deserved to be so comfortable cuddling and playing together, after all the suffering before putting them together. Until next time. Kisses, Akane